Merry AKA Uncle Shellworth

My character for our new campaign is a tortle monk named Merry, also known as Uncle Shellworth.

DB Munro ordered a dragon turtle egg for his circus. It was going to be the talk of every town they came to – they could raise it from the egg, tame it and teach it tricks. The circus would grow as the turtle grew. That was the plan, anyway.

The egg arrived, all the way across the Dead Fields, and DB Munro believed it would make him rich and famous.

When Merry cracked his way out of the egg, all of DB Munro’s dreams came crashing down around him. He kept Merry, the tortle, and raised him as a member of the circus. He never missed a chance to crack on his shell with a stick or shout insults – which Merry seemed to absorb with a plodding aplomb.

Merry grew swiftly, and was surprisingly strong after only a few years. He was trained as a strongman and sideshow performer. By the time he seemed fully grown (after about 7 or 8 years – no one has ever seen another tortle) he was enormously strong. Another performer, an alcoholic named Idren Bloodhand took him under his wing. Long ago, before he was disgraced, Idren was trained as a monk. He began training Merry as a lark, watching the huge turtle-man go through the motions of kata. Turns out, Merry had a talent for it, and absorbed everything Idren had to teach, including a love of alcohol and other intoxicants.

No one is sure why, but intoxicants of all kinds affect him differently from the way they affect mammals. It is hard for him to resist experimenting.

One night, Nix, another performer, came to Merry with a plan. She was going to escape the cruel hand of DB Munro, but she needed the help of someone enormously strong and hard to hurt. After some convincing, Merry agreed, eager to see more of the wide world and, though he remained quiet about it, quite uncomfortable with the ongoing verbal and physical abuse.

They escaped, and only barely crossed the Dead Fields with their lives, Merry carrying Nix for the last couple of days as her life nearly left her. At last they made it, half-dead, to Avalon’s Crossing, a village that serves as home for many cast-offs and folks who don’t fit elsewhere.

Nix made her way, using her skills to get by. Merry had never lived anywhere but DB Munro’s circus. He had no skills for dealing with regular folk. Fortunately, the Woodhall family of halflings took pity on him, and eventually adopted the six-foot-tall turtle into their family. The kids call him Uncle Shellworth.

Merry’s strength and quick mind was of great use to the Woodhalls, and in return they taught him carpentry – the family trade. They helped him build a nice little hut next to a pond, where he was most comfortable. Around 2 years passed, and Merry grew even larger and stronger. His shell toughened, and he learned to cook, because his new family of halflings love to eat. Every morning and every evening, he practices what he learned from Idren Bloodhand.

D&D 5E Playtest: Psion

Image result for dnd psion

Here I am taking a shot at the bane of D&D class design from the very beginning – a psionic class. I feel like, deep down, everyone kind of wants one, but psionic classes have consistently been the most problematic in each iteration of D&D. So of course I wanted to take a stab at it.

Design goals: I wanted the psion to be a pure caster class, and to be most similar to the warlock in terms of how it functions. I liked using the warlock’s flexible spell slots rather than the fixed ones that a sorcerer or wizard gets. I also decided ahead of time that psionics would just be another kind of magic – so counterspell and dispel magic and similar effects will all affect psionics. Psionics differ, though, in that they do not have verbal, material, or somatic components. This is a big advantage, and so I balanced that out by requiring most psionic abilities to use concentration – so ideally the psion should have fewer requirements, but will probably always be concentrating on an effect. Overall, I wanted the psion to be more limited than in many past iterations – to be more like what you see in movies or Anime, focusing on the ‘big four’ of telekinesis, telepathy, pyro/cryokinesis, and biokinesis or the physical adept. I also wanted another Intelligence-based pure caster to join the wizard.

Psion

Powerful Minds

Psions are driven by iron discipline and self-mastery. A psion will spend as much time researching her inner life seeking out secrets as a wizard would spend researching new spells and secrets of the outer world in libraries. Through mastery of her inner world, a psion has the ability to mater the outer world as well.

Some psions are trained when they show a talent for one of the disciplines – others manifest innate abilities and are self-trained. In a world like Athas, or Eberron, psions might be members of particular schools where they are taught a particular mental regimen. In other worlds, they might be loners, drawing on inner reserves to accomplish amazing feats.

Creating a Psion

Quick Build

First, make Intelligence your highest ability score, followed by Constitution.

Psion Table

Psion Level Features Cantrips Known Psionic Spells Known Psi Points Slot Level
1 Psionic Discipline, Discipline Ability 2 2 1 1
2 Discipline Ability, Telepathy 2 3 2 1
3 Discipline Ability 2 4 2 2
4 Ability Score Improvement 3 5 2 2
5 Strength of Mind  3 6 2 3
6 Discipline Ability 3 7 2 3
7 3 8 3 4
8 Ability Score Improvement 3 9 3 4
9 3 10 3 5
10 Consumptive Power 4 10 4
11 Potent Psionics 4 11 4
12 Ability Score Improvement 4 11 4
13 4 12 5
14 Discipline Ability 4 12 5
15 4 13 5
16 Ability Score Improvement 4 13 6
17 4 14 6
18 Mind Over Matter 4 14 6
19 Ability Score Improvement 4 15 7
20 Psionic Mastery 4 15 7

Class Features

Hit Points

Hit Dice: 1d6 per psion level

Hit Points at 1st Level: 6 + your Constitution modifier

Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 4) + your Constitution modifier per level after 1st

Proficiencies

Armor: Light armor

Weapons: Simple weapons

Tools: None

Saving Throws: Constitution and Intelligence

Skills: Choose two skills from Acrobatics, Arcana, Athletics,  History, Insight, Intimidation, Investigation, Religion

Equipment

You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

  • (a) a light crossbow and 20 bolts or (b) any simple weapon
  • (a) a scholar’s pack or (b) an adventurer’s pack
  • Leather armor, any simple weapon, a dagger

Psionic Discipline

At 1st level, you are trained in a psionic discipline and have developed basic psionic abilities. Your psionic discipline grants you special abilities at 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 10th and 14th levels.

Psionic Discipline Table

In order to maintain your psionic abilities, you must discipline yourself. Roll randomly, or choose one of the disciplines below (or come up with one with your DM):

  1. You must maintain a strict vegan diet.
  2. You cannot kill (though you need not be a pacifist, and don’t have to prevent others from killing)
  3. You use pain to focus your concentration
  4. You must remain fastidiously clean at all times
  5. You cannot wash in anything but running, natural water
  6. All of your food must incorporate an incredibly hot pepper that no one else can even tolerate
  7. You must deny yourself sleep each night, only taking perhaps 3 hours (requiring Con saves to avoid levels of exhaustion)
  8. You must deny yourself normal comforts
  9. For 3 days you fast, and then for 3 days you are allowed to eat. You can only drink water
  10. You must meditate entirely alone for an hour each day – no one can be within 100’ of you, and it must be quiet
  11. You must abstain from any sexual activity, and can never have a family or children
  12. You can never own more possessions than you can carry on your person

Psionic Abilities

Psionic Spellcasting

Psionics is a spellcasting discipline. Psions are arcane spellcasters who access spells and spell-like abilities through inner strength and discipline more than by studying ancient lore or drawing on hereditary power.

Cantrips

You know two cantrips of your choice from the list associated with your discipline. You learn new cantrips as defined by the Psion Table. When you learn a new cantrip, you can also switch one known cantrip for a new one.

Spell Slots

To case one of the psionic spells that you know, expend one psi point. The cost is always one psi point, regardless of spell level, and the spell is always considered to be cast at the highest level possible based on the psion table.

Spells Known of 1st Level or Higher

Spellcasting Ability

Your spellcasting ability is Intelligence.

Spell Save DC = 8 + your Intelligence modifier + your proficiency bonus.

Spell Attack Modifier = your Intelligence modifier + your proficiency bonus

Telepathy

At 2nd level, with a bonus action a psion is able to establish a telepathic connection with a willing creature within 30′. This connection does not require concentration to maintain. If the psion and the creature to whom she is connected don’t share a language, they can still share images and impressions enough to communicate basic ideas. This ability automatically fails with any creature with an Intelligence lower than 3.

Ability Score Improvement

The psion can increase one ability score by 2 at 4th, 8th, 12th, 16th and 19th level, up to a maximum of 20.

Strength of  Mind

At 5th level, the psion’s discipline has given her resistance to psychic damage. She also has advantage on saving throws against abilities that inflict the frightened or stunned condition.

Consumptive Power

At 10th level, when a psion has no more psi points, she can draw on her physical reserves instead. As a bonus action, she can spend 5 hit points in order to generate 1 psi point.

Potent Psionics

When the psion reaches 11th level, she is able to augment her attacks with psychic energy. When she hits with a melee or missile weapon attack, she can deal extra psychic damage. For each psi point she spends, she deals 1d8 bonus psychic damage.

Mind Over Matter

At 18th level, a psion’s life of discipline begins to change her body and mind in new ways. She no longer needs to sleep, and can benefit from a long rest simply by sitting quietly and meditating for 6 or so hours. She also no longer needs to eat more than once a week, and can live for much longer without water as well. Finally, as a bonus action she can spend a psi point to enable her to roll hit dice in order to recover hit points even when not taking a short rest.

Psionic Mastery

I need ideas here too.

Telekinetic

Spell List

Cantrips blade ward, eldritch blast (?), mage hand, shape water
1st level feather fall, mage armor, shield, tenser’s floating disk, unseen servant
2nd level arcane lock, hold person, knock, levitate, shatter, silence
3rd level conjure barrage (?), erupting earth, fly, melf’s minute meteors
4th level control water (?), fabricate, otiluke’s resilient sphere, staggering smite (?)
5th level animate objects, bigby’s hand, hold monster, telekinesis, wall of force

Telekinetic Abilities

As a bonus activation, a telekinetic psion can activate her telekinesis. As an action, she can then attempt to lift or throw an object or, at higher levels, a creature.

1st level At 1st level, a telekinetic psion is able to lift up to 10lbs by concentrating. She can throw objects up to 30’. Her attack roll uses her spell attack modifier and deals 1d4 damage, modified by Intelligence.
2nd level At 2nd level, she can now lift up to 25lbs, and her attack deals 1d6 damage.
3rd level She can now lift up to 100lbs, and her attack deals 1d8 damage. She can also attempt to move up to Medium-sized creatures. They resist with a Strength save against her spellcasting DC. If your target fails, you can lift them 10’ with an action, or push them 30’.
6th level 500lbs, and her attack deals 2d8 damage. She can attempt to move Large sized creatures, though they have advantage on their Strength save.
10th level Similar to the telekinesis spell: 1000lbs. Thrown objects still deal 2d8 damage. She can also attempt to lift a Huge creature, though a creature larger than the psion receives advantage on their Strength save.
14th level At 14th level, a telekinetic psion can attempt to lift 10,000lbs, and can also attempt to lift a Gargantuan creature. Throw objects now deal 3d8 damage.

Telepath

Spell List

Cantrips friends, message, minor illusion, vicious mockery
1st level cause fear, charm person, command, compelled duel, comprehend languages (spoken only), dissonant whispers, silent image, sleep
2nd level calm emotions, detect thoughts, enthrall, see invisibility, suggestion, zone of truth
3rd level clairvoyance (?), fear, hypnotic pattern, major image, nondetection, sending, tongues
4th level charm monster, compulsion, confusion, hallucinatory terrain (?), phantasmal killer
5th level dominate person, dream, hold monster, mislead, modify memory, rary’s telepathic bond, synaptic static (?)

Telepathic Abilities

As a bonus action, a telepathic psion can initiate a mind link with a willing creature. Even if she and the creature don’t share a language, they can exchange images and impressions well enough to communicate on a basic level. This ability automatically fails if used on a creature with Intelligence lower than 3.

1st level Establish a mind link, as the kalashtar can do in Races of Eberron. If you are a kalashtar, the range on your mind link extends to 90’.
2nd level Your mind link now has a range of 120’
3rd level You can establish a group mind link with up to 6 intelligent creatures at a time within 30’ of you.
6th level Group mind link 60’
10th level Group mind link 120’
14th level You can establish a group mind link with up to 6 intelligent creatures anywhere in the Material Plane

Pyrokinetic

Spell List

Cantrips chill touch, create bonfire, frostbite, produce flame, ray of frost
1st level burning hands, chromatic orb (cold or fire), ice knife, searing smite
2nd level continual flame, flame blade, flaming sphere, heat metal, pyrotechnics, scorching ray
3rd level elemental weapon (fire or frost), fireball, flame arrows, protection from energy (fire or frost)
4th level fire shield, ice storm, wall of fire
5th level cone of cold, flame strike, immolation

Pyrokinetic Abilities

At will, a pyrokinetic psion can ignite flammable material or freeze about a square inch of liquid with an action.

1st level A pyrokinetic psion is able to heat metal as the spell, but it only deals 2d4 damage to begin. She can also generate a 10’ aura of comfortable temperature – cool in hot weather and warm in cold weather. This temperate aura does not require concentration, but the psion must be awake.
2nd level Heat metal, as the spell but 2d6 damage. Temperate aura 20’
3rd level Heat metal, as the spell. Temperate aura 30’
6th level Heat metal, 2d10 damage (metal loses shape). Temperate aura 60’
10th level Heat metal, 2d12 damage (metal begins to melt). Temperate aura 90’
14th level Heat metal, 3d12 damage (metal turns to slag). Temperate aura 120’

Physical Adept

Spell List

Cantrips blade ward (?), primal savagery, resistance, true strike
1st level expeditious retreat, jump, longstrider, mage armor, thunderous smite
2nd level alter self, barkskin, blur, enhance ability, enlarge/reduce (?), misty step (?), pass without trace (self), spider climb
3rd level aura of vitality (?), blinding smite, gaseous form, haste (self), thunder step, water breathing, water walk
4th level aura of life, freedom of movement, polymorph (self), staggering smite, stoneskin
5th level far step (?), passwall, skill empowerment, swift quiver

Physical Adept Abilities

Actually I need some ideas here.

1st level
2nd level You become proficient in Acrobatics, Athletics, or Stealth if you are not already
3rd level
6th level Additional ability score improvement (Str, Dex, or Con)
10th level
14th level Additional ability score improvement (Str, Dex, or Con)

 

Pathfinder Beastfolk to D&D 5E: Galidines

galidine

Galidine

Originally created as human-mongoose hybrids, galidines have always been valued for their fast reflexes and hunting instincts. Galidines and ophidians tend to dislike each other, especially on first impressions – something about each just rubs the other the wrong way.

Honest to a Fault

Galidines value honestly very highly, and in turn can be honest to a fault. They judge each new person they meet on their own merits, and watch their behavior carefully. A galidine will usually give someone the benefit of the doubt, at first, but after one significant misstep it is easy to lose a galidine’s trust and hard to win it back.

Skeptical and Precise

The intervention of gods or spirits are not reliable enough to satisfy most galidines, and they tend to veer away from over religion. They demand evidence behind any claim, and are careful not to say something they can’t back up. Galidines tend to be superb investigators, researchers and explorers, and their maps and charts are sought-after by other species.

Galidine Names

Galidine names tend to be compound names composed of four or more syllables

Ability Score Increases. Your Dexterity increases by 2 and your Intelligence increases by 1.

Age. Galidines live about half as long as humans, becoming fully mature at about 10 years and living until they are 50.

Alignment. Galidines with their tendency to honesty and precision tend toward Lawful alignments, and it is unusual for one to be Evil. Many galidines are Lawful Neutral.

Size. Galidines have long bodies and comparably short but dexterous limbs. They stand between 5 and 6 feet tall. Your size is Medium.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 30.

Bestial Nature. Due to their animalistic origins, galidines are able to speak with mongooses and meerkats.

Darkvision.

Flexible. Galidines’ flexibility grants them advantage on Acrobatics rolls to escape a grapple.

High Strung. Galidines can choose one of two advantages – either they gain a +2 on initiative rolls, or they gain advantage on all attacks of opportunity they make.

Sharp Teeth. You are proficient with a bite attack which deals 1d4 piercing damage and uses the higher of your Strength or Dexterity score.

Vigilant. You are proficient in either Investigation or Perception.

Languages. You can read and write Common and Sylvan.

 

Pathfinder Beastfolk to D&D 5E: Boriwogs

boriwog

Boriwog

The humanoid boars known as boriwogs are well-known for their toughness and ferocity in battle. They are also quite vain, often preening and vying with one another for status. Before the Collapse, they were often used as bodyguards and and mercenaries or slave-warriors.

Vain and Fastidious

Boriwogs are broad and stocky with two fingers and a thumb on each hand. They are proud of their appearance, taking care to style and color the hair and bristles on their heads and to always dress as well as they can afford to dress. They are very concerned with cleanliness – they enjoy bathing in warm medicinal mud, but will wash thoroughly afterward. Boriwog communities are well-cared-for and thoroughly decorated, and they often engage in conspicuous consumption as a way to demonstrate their wealth and status.

Bristling and Independent

Boriwogs can be hot-tempered and vain, and they are always concerned with their own status in comparison to others – especially other boriwogs. With their long pre-Collapse history of taking orders in one form or another, post-Collapse boriwogs bristle at being told what to do by pretty much anyone. They will often hire themselves out as individual bodygaurds and mercenaries, or might form a small fighting force under a particular charismatic and successful leader. Some boriwogs turn to arcane studies and become wizards, following a path that already lends itself to seeking personal power.

Boriwog Names

Rolling r’s and long, round vowel sounds – Rombol, Borion, Kamor, Olgram, Gortrund, Magrol.

Boriwog Traits

Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution increases by 2 and your Intelligence increases by 1.

Age. Boriwogs live about half as long as humans, coming of age around 8 years old and by 40 years old considered elderly.

Alignment. Independent-minded boriwogs tend toward the Chaotic, and don’t necessarily lean toward Good or Evil.

Size. Boriwogs often stand around 5 feet tall and weigh around 200lbs. Your size is Medium.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 30 feet.

Bestial Nature. Due to their animalistic connections to their past, boriworgs can speak with boars and domestic pigs at will. Many boriwogs would never do this in public, however.

Charge! When a boriwog charges at least 20’ in a straight line before making a melee attack, she gains advantage on the melee attack and deals an additional 1d6 bludgeoning damage.

To the Death. Their ferocity enables boriwogs to continue to fight when they should be dead. After an attack drops a Boriwog to 0 hit points, she gains one hit die’s worth of temporary hit points and can continue to fight until she is dropped to 0 a second time. The temporary hit points last for one minute.

Slashing Tusks. Boriwogs are proficient with a bite attack using their tusks. This attack deals 1d4 damage and uses the higher of the Boriwog’s Strength or Dexterity bonus.

Languages. You can speak, read and write Common and Sylvan.

 

D&D: What Are Hit Points (by Class)?

There’s always debate as to what hit points actually are – to what degree hit points represent meat, or luck, or destiny; near-misses, absorbing damage on shield or armor, and so on. I like thinking of hit points as representing something different for different classes, and I describe them differently depending on which PC is taking the damage. 

Barbarians

Since barbarians’ armor class comes from their Dexterity and Constitution, rather than armor, I picture their bodies criss-crossed by scars like Strong Belwas. (How did Strong Belwas never make it into the GoT show? He’s fire) Hit points for barbarians are them just physically absorbing minor injuries and walking through them, twisting to turn a deadly blow into a glancing one and turning to take a hit aimed at the head on the shoulder. At the end of combat, I picture barbarians as the grimiest of the PCs. For barbarians, a lot of their hit points are really just meat points.

Bards and Rogues

For bards and rogues, hit points represent near-misses, clever escapes, and glancing blows turned aside by their quickness. I’m more likely to describe a “hit” that has struck a bard or rogue as a near-miss that startles them – they feel the wind of the blade as it passes an inch from their face, that kind of thing. Only their last few hit points represent actual meat.

Clerics, Fighters and Paladins

Clerics, fighters and paladins are normally in medium or heavy armor, often carry shields, and so I see their hit points involving a lot of taking shots on their armor. An attack that is blocked by a shield can still bruise or stun the person beneath. A helm can save you from a killing blow to the head but still ring your bell or make you see stars.

Druids, maybe Rangers

Somewhere between bards and rogues on the one hand and clerics, fighters and paladins on the other, I see druids and rangers as healing deceptively quickly. They might be hit in combat, but the damage is always less than it looks. They are able to shrug off a surprising amount of injury before it begins to show. Druids will also often take damage in shapechange form and then shrug it off when they change back to humanoids, and rangers are often ranged fighters who aren’t in the midst of fights as often as other high-hit-point classes.

Monks

For monks I picture a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon style fights where there is a lot of flash but weapons just happen to hand on the flat of the blade and attacks are partially deflected before they land. Often the attack that really lands solidly is the one that brings them down, since monks normally have no armor at all.

Sorcerers, Warlocks and Wizards

Unarmored like monks, and also normally far from melee combat like rangers, one would think that the arcane casters would be invariably squishy. That being said, I’ve found it’s really common for arcane casters to give themselves a high Constitution score for survive-ability. Often, Constitution is an arcane caster’s second-highest ability score. I often see arcane casters with higher hit points than druids, rogues and the like. They also often have some form of magical armor, spell armor, temporary hit points and so on, and so I tend to note that when describing hit point loss, often describing it as being absorbed by magic initially.

How do you describe hit points in your game?

Thanos: The Apocalypse of Unprocessed Grief

Image result for thanos tears

Thanos’s Core Grief

From the very beginning, Thanos’s plan seemed ridiculous to me. It was a significant hurdle for me to get over to get into the story of Avengers: Infinity War. Ultimately I did, of course, because it’s an amazing movie, and you have to get over logical problems to enjoy any superhero movie. I thought, OK, fine. They can’t just have Thanos want to kill trillions to impress Death, so I guess this is another reason. Balance in the universe. Whatever. Still a great movie.

Something struck me, though, when on Vormir Thanos said this: “I have ignored my destiny once. I will not do it again, even for you,” right before he murders his child for power. Then, it sealed the deal when Thanos explains what happened to Titan to Doctor Strange. His half-genocidal plan wasn’t listened to, and then somehow having a lack of food completely destroyed his planet and…killed everyone there? Ruined gravity? Again, don’t look too closely.

What struck me was that Thanos’s irrational plan was a lot like a lot of our irrational actions – it was rooted in unaddressed grief.

Thanos’s Grandiose, Idiotic Plan

Thanos’s plan is stupid. It’s the kind of stupid that is very human – he is fully able to rationalize it, but is unable to realize how irrational it actually is. Significant time is given, in Infinity War, to rationalizing Thanos’s plan. Apparently murdering half of the poeple on Gamora’s homeworld turned it into a paradise where everything is great. (I take this to be Thanos deluding himself, but it’s presented as a fact) After all, he’s been doing this to planets for what seems to be years. He has a whole system – the Maw even has a monologue.

In Endgame, we see a much more accurate depiction of the aftermath of such a horrific act. A whole planet, traumatized. That’s what Thanos’s plan does – it spreads trauma throughout the universe, multiplies his grief by Infinity. Thanos’s most human attribute is that he is so able to rationalize what he is doing, despite the pointless suffering it inflicts on others, and the fact that his grand plan will solve precisely zero of the problems he says he wants to solve.

Thanos Inflicting His Grief on the Universe

Thanos, driven by his own grief, is trapped in a cycle of inflicting grief on everyone around him. Whether it is his tortured “children” like Gamora or Nebula, or…every living thing in the universe.

“Hurt people hurt people”, and because Thanos refuses to have his hurt end with him, he ends up inflicting that hurt on everyone around him one way or another – mostly through genocide and torture, since he’s a supervillain, but in all of his relationships, in all of his plans, this hurt will be reiterated. On a smaller scale, this is something anyone could fall into, Mad Titan or no. Whatever hurt we don’t deal with on our own, we export. What we don’t come to terms with, we inflict on others, intentionally or not.

As a way to solve problems and achieve cosmic balance, Thanos’s plan is terrible. But as a very human character inflicting his pain on others, Thanos isn’t even unusual.

Don’t Be Thanos

I’m not an expert on grief – find a therapist. Talk to people you trust. Just commit to processing your own grief. Figure out the cycles that repeat in your life and change them. I’m saying as a geek who thinks that we can look to Thanos as an emblematic example of how, in Jung’s words,

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Or, in Thanos’s case, “I am inevitable.” He’s right, but not for the cosmic reasons he thinks. He’s inevitable because he is failing to take responsibility for himself, and ends up inevitably inflicting his grief on everyone else.

We Must Ignore Donald Trump

unamerican gothic

Donald Trump Is Pure Garbage

If his words and actions, during his 40 years of public life, have not been enough to convince you of this, you are hopeless. One thing we’ve learned these past three years is that tens of millions of Americans will collectively climb into a burning dumpster and tell each other how great it is, and almost none of them will climb out. Those of us outside the burning dumpster are dumbfounded, awed, and demoralized by the sight, but this post is not about why people are climbing in there or why they won’t climb out. This post is about how we can finally look away from the burning dumpster, because the people in there clearly chose to be there, and it’s not going to stop burning or being a dumpster.

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Donald Trump Will Never Change

Donald is what happens when a rich white man in America spends an entire lifetime never experiencing a single consequence for his actions. Whether he’s a schoolkid punching his teacher in the face, or attending a child-rape party, or stealing tens of millions of dollars from people, he has never experienced even a gentle slap on the hand in 72 years and counting.

He has never changed, and he will never change. I mean, why would he? He’s rich and the President. He keeps winning, so why would he behave any differently? It will never matter what’s in the news about him, or what embarrassing fact comes out, or how bad he gets burned on Twitter, or what hot take is published about him. None of that has ever mattered to him, and it never will. Giving him more attention will never stop him – it only feeds him. It’s giving him what he wants.

MAGA

Nothing Donald Trump Does Or Says Will Ever Surprise Us

Every single day since November 9th 2016, burning feces has been raining from the sky. For a while, this was worth talking about. I mean, holy shit, burning feces? From the sky? Every day!? Yes, every single day.

But there comes a time when we just accept that the weather forecast is now burning feces every day and get on with our lives. It won’t stop. It will continuously rain burning feces for two, maybe six more years. Mueller won’t stop the rain of burning feces, and everyone with the power to slow the rain or give us umbrellas is a coward or a traitor or both. So this is where we are now. This is life.

We have to move forward, and there’s just no reason to discuss the rain of burning feces any longer. It is what it is. It burns, and it is feces.

We must ignore Trump. Nothing meaningful will ever come from giving him a single moment’s attention.

Trumppet