I go through cycles of doubt about a lot of things. Some are so familiar, like well-worn paths, that they are almost predictable. I see my old rutted footsteps leading me onward. One of them seems to be growing in intensity.
I’m honesty wondering if there is a place for me in the Presbyterian Church. Not in a Presbyterian Church – I’ve found a home in one for almost all of my life from birth to now – but in the Presbyterian Church. It honestly seems like it is going to tear itself apart over homosexual ordination. And while I have, obviously if you read below, strong feelings on that matter, that isn’t the definitive fight that some people seem to think it is. The defining fight isn’t even secularism versus faith, or liberalism versus fundamentalism, or ecumenism versus orthodoxy. The defining fight is will we be able to get over ourselves and do something good in the world.
I can narrow this down further, I guess, because I can define myself by the principles I hold to. So, do I join a peace church, because the PCUSA isn’t one? Do I join an open and affirming church, because the PCUSA isn’t one of those either? Do I join a church committed to social justice issues on a national level? Because it seems like we’d rather stab each other over the PUP report.
Or do I stay, knowing that it’ll involve plenty of struggle along the way?