I feel, except for a need to find a summer job to supplement my other two, very liberated lately. Wednesday was the last session of Alive!, my internship church’s youth program, which goes on hiatus during the summer to pick up again in September.
I started helping to lead the program when I began my internship which was in August of last year. I need to say up front that I am not comfortable around children. I don’t feel like I have the social skills to interact well with people younger than, say, 15 or so. And long before that a kid easily realizes what a complete dork I am, so I’ve got trouble with any kids who care about social standing, which is all of them. I don’t really want to get into why I think this is the case, just take my word for it.
So I began working with kids at the church with a great deal of trepidation. Over the past ten months or so, that anxiety has very slowly diminished to a more manageable level. For about eight of those months, every Wednesday I would come home with a piercing headache like a railroad spike just above and behind my right eye. I would come home and turn off all the lights and take migraine pills and lay in the dark until it subsided, which usually took about a half hour. More recently, I come home exhausted, but with only a moderate headache that quickly dissipates. (This has made the 30 minute commute a lot more comfortable.)
This isn’t because we have bad kids or anything. We have normal kids, but I’m not very good with them as I said.
At the last session, we ended with a brief program where each kid gave a flower to one of the adult volunteers and many of them said a brief blessing of some kind. She is going to have a second child in the very near future, so ending now was a good idea as far as timing goes.
As part of this, I am going to be writing some sort of…something to give her based on what the kids said. When I finish it I’ll post it, but more importantly we’ll present it to her at the next opportunity.
In the meantime, though, if I can somehow find a summer job that doesn’t give me headaches (if possible, one that doesn’t involve an apron), I might be living easy for a while here. We’ll see.
When I go before my Presbytery about a month from now, this may all change of course. But before I run that gauntlet I’ll hopefully get to indulge myself with a few close friends, which will certainly take the edge off.